Life Update and #StayAtHome (#DudukRumah)

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

How has this MCO / RMO doing so far? Wow it’s been a while since I last writing and I feel really awkward as I started to type this. I don’t even know how to begin even I have so many things to share. Hence, pardon me for the long hiatus… hiks!

With so many things spreading in our country and in the world right now, I bet this is also the reason for this blogpost. Trying to get back on track, doing simple workout, writing short stories or novel, participating in virtual Fun Run for at least once a year, going places, rewarding myself with things that I like, taking a very nice photos, be healthy and happy and the list goes on.

My hibernation throughout the past year (2019) until now has a lot to explain too but I might or might not write it here. However, those who knows, knows. Well I use to keep my life in public, but for the recent years, I kept them in private, although for those who knows me well on social media (only) might say, I share quite a lot. Believe me, it’s not what it really is.

I’ve been battling to find inner peace, self acceptance and getting healthier each day. To which these three might explain the whole context of my disappearance in blog maybe. Lol now that I realize, who’s gonna find me in here, btw? Really, kau sapaaa? Hahaha.

Jokes aside, but do I still have Team SII here? Hello everyone. Sorry lama dah otak tepu tak reti dah nak menulis. Bukak blog pun rasanya setahun sekali as in checking on the comments and spams. 😝

During this RMO, I honestly find it is quite difficult for a Gen X (or Y) like me to be productive when the internet coverage is the biggest issue in this area. Honestly, I have been losing my patience for many times because of the noncooperation coverage. Hey DiGi, I suggest you to improve on your coverage equal to how I pay monthly for the bills, will you?

Oh mind you, I did all the chores ready, I tried new recipes, baking almost everyday, etc etc etc. Ye, ade je membaca mengaji tapi nanti nak cakap sangat cakap heyyyy tak layak mkay? So, yang itu lain cerita. 

I wanna ask all of you, hand in hand (wow kemain kau, Fateng?) to at least help our country, our government as well as our peoples who are in need of our favour. By just #stayathome or #dudukrumah only. Lessen the burden of those who works in the frontline as well as help them by helping you too, to break the chains of this virus. It's so heartbreaking to see there are still a lot of people out there take things for granted. The government and the other NGOs have been helping us to cope and deal with the situation but some of us seems to not appreciate the efforts enough. You do read everywhere, in fact peoples around you talk about the impacts on us in a long and short term. But the ignorance and negligence take over the selfish and irresponsible citizens. 😢😪

With the countless efforts as well as conveniences given each day, alongside the improvements to please the peoples, there's also no sign of the decrease in the case reported for the virus each day.. yet. I truly understand, at some points, staying at home, has it pros and cons - but there's always a reason for every action taken. Life and health are all that matter now. With the ignorance and selfishness by some of us, no doubt that this RMO will be extended to a further date. I mean, it is still a privilege for some who has  a fixed monthly salary, but have you ever imagine for those who still need to work on daily basis and depending on their daily rezeki to survive; walaupun they receive help from the government and other peoples. Here's another question, sampai bila nak bergantung kepada pertolongan kan? They still need to go out and work too, because that's their self-satisfaction. Bekerja untuk kelangsungan hidup sendiri. Even some of us also miss going out and live normally like how we used to be and work normally. Just be cooperative in the time given for this duduk rumah movement. Also, to prevent the virus to spread even worst.

On the side note, I am currently helping my friend (indirectly) in her mission to contribute to the society who are affected in this situation. Yeay! Perhaps it's a good thing that you can do at home, too. My friends are currently collecting the donation to buy basic needs like beras, cooking oil, eggs, sugar and such to some families. I mean, there are a lot of peoples who are doing this too. Some of the higher agencies and companies help in a big amount specifically to suffice any insufficient needs which the frontline need in order to treat the patients as well as the other needs too.

In this RMO period, we might not have the permit to simply go out and buy things for people, but via these channel of agencies or individuals who already asked for a permit and following the SOP / rules implemented, we can share or do our parts too. Or you can start it first, at your own area. If you happen to just want to be the donor, check and ask before you give. Just to ensure it's legit. After all, that's your right, ait? Also not to mention, nowadays banyak scammers claiming this and that, but in the end, tak nampak apa-apa.

So wow I write a lengthy post after a year of hibernation, huh? 👏 Becuase I wrote this in two different times. The first part was last night.. then the last part was right in this moment. LOL.

Well, at least finally I make use of why I signing in to this blog 9 years ago. 

p/s: Let us keep on praying for the safety of ourselves, families, friends, the frontliners, all of us, be  it in our country, as well as the world itself. May Allah always melindungi dan memudahkan semua urusan kita. Aamin YRA. 

Till then xx

Share what you do during this RMO period in the comment below! It might comes in handy to people like me for the following days. 💗

2019 and what's up?

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

So it is already February and not try to be bias here, but still a new year to me. So HAPPY NEW YEAR guys. Probably, I wanna say umm HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR (?) 

2018 has been a tough year for me since day 1 until the last day of the last month but let's move on, shall we? Yaa, as if by saying move on, we are really moving on, right?

The highlight of 2018 for me is definitely the first grandchild in The Kamarudins. My nephew, Faaeq Aisy Anaqi. 

Since Mamamei is still single, you are going to be my boyfriend as for now, okay?

Welcoming Aisy as the new member in the family is the only thing that I wanna highlight, I guess. So, what's hot and new for 2019?

I actually don't really do this new year resolutions thingy, though, every year I made lots of resolutions that I wish I could achieve at the end of the year. But you know what, I am not that consistent and never will be. I just can write but to do them.. I'll let you do for me mmkay?

Turning 26 in 2019, I've made up my mind (yeke ni?) that even I am not consistent in striving my goals for this year, well at least, I can unlock one of those lists that I make earlier. As for the other resolutions, I still have to do it - although achieving them are nearly impossible, but at least I try. 

I realize that this year's resolutions are more mature than the previous ones. Previously, I was preaching about jodoh la kaya la apa la; and giving a little focus on my inner self and improving in what I'm lacking at.

Yep.

1. Too blessed to be stressed. In the previous year, I was so stressed and (self proclaimed: depressed) as  I was facing too much pressure and problems. Living in negative environment and vibes, making the situation even more difficult. With small circle of friends, later on, I realize that I am living in more peace and couldn't care less with what happen around me which are not related to me at all.

You know what? Cared too much about things which are none of your business eventually effect you and the peoples involved. More to negative effects than the positive ones. I've been in this situation, hence the pressure, and me being so stress about my life! As if, memikirkan masalah negara lol. So, this year, I hope and pray that I will continuously remind myself to keep my circle small, to count the blessings, and focus on what I'm doing without minding about things which have nothing to do with my life and my family. 

2. Healthy. Pfft. 

This.

Sounds.

Easy.

But..

It.

Isn't!

Speaking of being healthy. Last year, I've been going in and out from the clinic / hospital, literally at least once for every two months. Though it wasn't a serious health problem (nauzubillah.. nobody wants it.) but it was very tough for me to bear. Imagine, people questioning about your health, because you seem fine on the outside for them. But as if you can show them the pain like 'nah sis, masuk dalam badan saya kejap rasain lohh!' lol because by the look on my face isn't enough, somehow. I am not really a cry baby in front of people because eyy ingat orang hadap you sakit ke so please man up. 

This year, I want to focus on my health but only in January itself, I went to the hospital for two times. That one time, I had to ask for an early pelepasan because I have to go to the hospital. On my own. There you go Miss Independent. Siap pegi yellow zone. Not to worry, everything is fine now. 

I lost weight and I am struggling to gain weight and my goal is to gain up to my minimum weight for an ideal BMI. I've been eating religiously but I can't keep up to the schedule of eating 6 times a day. Also I am not working out, for this year. Yet. See, how can I nag and brag about not gaining weight if I know I'm not doing it right to get back on track? 

3. Improving my inner self. Talking about being religious huh? But as bad as one can be, there is always niat in them, trying to be good and improving themselves too. Slowly. Like others. I won't talk much about this but let's hope that what I'm dealing and doing behind the scene will always stay as what it is now or probably even better day by day. Aminn 💜

 

4. I've been practicing this since earlier this year, where, there will be a few minutes in a day, I will take a moment to think and reflect on what I've been doing on the day. Thinking about what I've been doing, the peoples and emotions involved. I've been dealing with mixed feelings and failures and I tell you what, having a good support system (family & friends or if you have a very supportive partner) is all you need to face these failures / frustrations. A plus point here, do not expect too much on people - even your loved ones. Why? Just don't. Because the pain causes by the one who used to close to you will leave the scar for the rest of your life. Learn to forgive but not forget, also learn to appreciate yourself. Know your worth. Don't put yourself too low that eventually you realize, you've been dealing with the same things all over again. Is it worth your time and effort?

5. Being productive is the repetition of the resolution which I can never achieve. Because I can be very productive today and I can be very lazy tomorrow. It is all about the motivation and how I control my mind. Well, more to the current mood. If I start my day with positive vibes all the way, well, I can focus on what I'm doing but if something spoils the day, I don't think I can smile for the day. I am that easy. As in I can be very cheerful now and in the next 10 seconds, I can be furious.. until the next week. Hahaha, good luck in dealing with me.

So,what's yours? 

10 Facts About Me. (2018 Edition)

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

I know, as referred to the title, it is an old topic but, as the matter of fact, it is still relevant to talk to..

This post is meant for my own reflection and future reference, if I wanna compare my previous post about the same thing and the current one, the previous one was more cheeky and 'dakdak' sangat.. but if you ask me to change it or delete it, nah.. for this time, I just let it there. More to a history. (':

2018 Edition of 10 Facts About Me.

1. I have not read any book this year. I do read books but what I mean is I did not finished my reading until the last page. I always leave it halfway. Umm.. not even half of the book actually. 
2. Even though, I've been taking plane for quite number of times, I still have fear whenever I'm on the plane; what more to say, when there was turbulence and all. And I always alone. 
3. I do love to travel even though I have not get any chance to travel like my friends do. Not that the permission from my parents that still worries me, but you know, the adult things like planning a proper one, saving money, being paranoid and whatnot. #suchasians
4. My two most favourite hobbies are still cooking and writing. As for now, it is more to cooking. I always wanted to write and the ideas always play in my mind, but when I urge myself to write, suddenly I feel very awkward and I lost of words. Well, I need to practice on writing again. Hence, this blogpost is the starting point, I must say.
5. If you ask me if I rather choose to read a book or watching any videos besides the movies, I would choose watching the videos (read: informative) because I barely got my proper me-time to read the whole book in peace. Usually, when I started to read, I always feel bad for leaving my works (reports, and reports, and paperworks and forms and urgh these boring stuff) behind.
6. At the age of 25, I still have bantal busuk and I've upgraded to another 2 bantal busuk but not really busukla, okay la got elephants flushie. 
7. Losing people that I love is my biggest fear, although I know, from this very moment, I will lose someone in my life. In 2016, my late grandmother, in 2017, broke up the 7 years plus relationship, and now? Seriously, I'm not ready for anything. 
8. I always love bags and foot wears. Hence, I've quite many type of bags and foot wear, but I end up wearing the same shoes and bag. :/
9. In my previous post about facts about me (2014 edition), I wrote, I'm not a fan of kpop nor runningman. However, I've been watching korean dramas, runningman, korean variety shows and some catchy songs from 2016 until now. How it started? Because of the KDrama, Descendants of the Sun. Hahahaha shame on me!
10. Adulting sucks! Hahahahaha. Really, this really sums up my life right now. One thing that I cherish the most about growing up (old) is I have a nephew. He is the king to my kingdom. 

So it is actually 20 facts about me, but suddenly I become malas so... 10 it is! :p

Being 25.

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

Oh well, the perk of being an educator is when you're on a school break too, together with your pupils. But not gonna mention about kids here lol. This teacher really needs a break, not thinking about works obviously.

So, my holidays start on Saturday evening as my flight was on that day. 😖 On the very last minute, Dad called off their plan on having a short break to my sister's place; and I have to make a last minute flight booking which I got the 'best' deal only on Saturday evening. *meh*

Anyways, I'm home now and tomorrow, I have to leave again; early morning, we have to be on the road by 9 a.m. to my sister's place. Yes guys, there goes my holiday, my plans are all scattered on the floor. Well, literally. I was planning on baking a few cakes and trying out some new recipes but ... (you know what I'm gonna say. Do you?)

That night, upon arriving home near midnight (approximately 11 p.m) I went straight to see my babylove, Faaeq Aisy Anaqi (my nephew) and gomol-gomol him and melepas geram dan rindu lol. There goes my mom guys...... starting her muqaddimah.

Mom: How old are you again? You are 1993's kid, ait? 

(Pardon me, of course my mom spoke in our mother tongue. Later I tulis betul-betul our language, you won't understand it lol. So, here I translate it to you, k)

Me: 25. Why?

Mom: Haaa.. boleh la you kahwin.

Me: Hah?

Mom: Yaaa.. because you're 25 dah. I still remember your nenek said bla bla bla...

Me: *trying to digest what had my mom said* Mak... when I had a boyfriend, Mak tak bagi kahwin. Now, I takde boyfriend suddenly cakap I dah boleh kahwin.

Mom: Because you're 25 and your nenek cakap, perempuan if dah 25 tahun bla bla bla..

*like seriously mom?*

Me: I don't have a boyfriend, Mak.

*and continue gomol my nephew and changing the topic*

This issue might be a normal issue to most of you guys. But, lemme clarify a few things here.

First thing first, my mom or my dad or both my parents neverrrrrrr... talk about something like this to us. In a serious situation, and seriously mean what they say. What I can say is, thinking of my mom saying this thing seems unreal for me. I still in disbelief lol pinch me please!

Secondly, I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND. Yet. Since my previous relationship. So.. this issue is  stressing me out. In other word, I don't know how to react and how to feel guys. Maybe if I am still in a relationship, I might jump in joy and calling the guy to bawak his parents to come over and do all that jazz idk guys what do they do before kahwin? Merisik berpantun bersyair bersajak lol please shall we just proceed and just officiate the relationship? - yaaa..I'm that cool kid, I don't really prefer the step by step of the adat. I want it direct to the point. 😀😛

However, in this kind of life status that I'm having now, I feel a bit sad & stress. I can easily like people, but to love them, take the whole effort for me. It's not about trial and error thing, it's about a lifelong thing. Bukan main ambik sebarang then kalau tak ngam boleh buang. 😧

Thirdly, I tak banyak cakap when my mom said this. I was speechless and surprised at the same time. Why? See the first thing I highlighted above. Now that I remember about this thing, I regret that I didn't ask about any term and condition from my mother. lol. 

If she tak letakkan syarat and serahkan everything to me, then, I'm good. If I do have one that I want; and suddenly criteria tak menepati, means I have to work on this. Hahahaha. But please guys, my mom isn't that "mak-mak dalam drama slot Akasia, Jam 7 petang TV3"  k because I believe, every mom wants the best for their children. If bersyarat pun bukan nak mintak hati nyamuk 7 dulang pun hiks.💚

So maybe I should've asked her about calon menantu yang macam mana diluluskan. LOL

In all seriousness, I love my mom. She's so cute & slumber je cakap "umur dah 25, boleh la kahwin"

Okay cabaran disahut. I'm in!

💪

Hashtag: The Bad Habits.

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

I know guys. Its 0320 a.m. to be exact but here comes the old me, wanting to write after a long pause! Yes, too long until it feels really awkward to be back on track again. Even writing a novel / story makes me feel insecure - to publish it here as I am very unsure of the sentences, plot that I'm creating lol. So, if you're the frequent here before, hi again and yes I do remember of my beloved and supportive Team SII. Missing you peeps, really! xx

So, am not gonna publish my writings in here. YET. Soon, perhaps. *finger crossed*

As the title says, the bad habits, I'm gonna tell you (well not really membuka pekung di dada, but let's be fair, as you have read the fun facts about me longgggg time ago, so why not I'm writing my bad habits in here, as a reflection and who knows I might think of these habits and change myself in the future, or setting my new year goals as we will welcome 2018 in about less than a month. :')

*1*

Since I got posted, I always use work as an excuse for not doing what I did before, anymore. Or shall we say, I seldom do things / hobbies that I've always done before. As if works really stopped me from doing so. For instance, writing in blog and reading books. (Mind you, I bought few books and I've not read all and even I've read it, maybe for a few pages and it stays there for a long pause) But the truth is, sometimes I also procrastinate in doing my works. Doing last minute works has run into my blood vessels since the first day I work. Nawwwww, even the word WORK sounds unfamiliar to me. I've always think that I'm still studying and actually, I miss staying up late at night doing revision, although back then, I hate that so much. Isn't life weird guys? :/ 

*2*

Mereput! I think mereput (read: corpse-ing, being a lazy bum) is my new (old and still) hobby. Working is just an excuse to all things for me, really. Urgh why tho?! I always use work as an excuse for me to mereput all day during the weekend. I mean, I can stay on bed like a sick person (mintak jauhlah!) all day, doing nothing, as a reward for myself after 5 days of working. I realize that, making this kind of reward is really unhealthy and sangatlah bukan menantu material lol. So, this is my conspiracy theory of doing this mereput activity as my reward. Maybe most of my weekends, I stayed alone (My lovely housemate always asked me to follow her, going back but nayyy, later I can't mereput at her house lol and actually I'm just being lazy guys, for God's sake berubahlah Norolpateng hoi!) And I always planning on doing things on weekend, wanted to be productive and change myself, but to no avail. Eventually, I did everything last minute and then I complaint a lot because earlier, I was mereput, for the whole day, tahniah!

*3*

By complaining, I mean, I nag, I bising-bising, I'm doing my works in a rush and I tend to forget to do works. Like when I was so sleepy and about to sleep after fighting in front of my laptop, doing the works (ie: everyday I have to write only 3-4 short lesson plans), suddenly I remember that I haven't key in the online data or marking the papers or key in the marks or writing pending reports that make me recall the events that were happening months ago as I want to write the REPORTS and all that jazz. Seriously, I feel like I wanna cry on that time, realizing that I'm gonna shorten my sleep-time and waking up cranky the next day, because I haven't complete my tasks, also means I have to stay up longer. & that moment, thinking of how lazy I was in the previous days - wasting my time, also wasting my money going back and forth to town, and wasting my internet quota dengan perkara-perkara lagha (istighfar!) make me menyesal. Always like that. 

*4*

Not a morning person. Yes, you can relate it and you know what it means, so I stop until here! :p

*5*

Excuses. I always make excuses when I'm not interested in doing whatever works that I was assigned to, neither the daily basis tasks. I have many regular excuses that I always use like tired and leceh. As for workout, my personal coach always nag me for escaping or skipping my exercise, even doing zumba. And my excuse will always be  "Kaki I sakit" or "Sore! My muscle sore, everywhere sore!" RIP workout, RIP road to Gal Gadot's and Kayla Itsines' body. Not even close to any Victoria's Secret Angels' body guys! Hahahaha cakap je malas. 

This is the conclusion to my bad habits in 2017 guys. 

Planning to be productive - distracted (being lazy bum or addicted to social medias or going out etc) - procrastinate - last minute works - complaining - menyesal - crying / grumpy - reflection - change? (NO! Masih sama, ulang balik the cycle) 

My bad bad bad habits guys. 

As 2018 is just around the corner, one of my new year resolutions is to approve that I can be productive, as the key point to these things is actually, being productive! Not drastically, slowly but surely, in sha Allah. 

We'll see the changes later and I will update to you on how productive I am later, ameen! As for now, I am trying to be a morning person. Well, not too early lah, but still morning, can la aa! Kasi chanla sis nak beradu lama-lama during holidays (see! excuse over excuses) Hahahaha bad bad bad habits!

But really guys, I am working on these! Pray for me #PrayFor Fateen

xx

Turning Page.

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

Its been a while since I last posted an entry here. Only one blogpost for 2017 which was like moons ago, and now I'm writing again. It feels awkward tho. Boo

But, trust me, in these few months of being invisible, there are lots, like SUPER lots of things going on. Oh, did I tell you guys that I am now officially working? Like a real working adult? *pats shoulders*  Lol, yaaa, I've got posted on early of February. So, its been 7 months or so of working and thinking about work's matters everyday bored-day. 

Telling you this, I feel old. And truth to tell you, I miss my campus life - minus the lectures, assignments and examinations. 

And what I can share with you here is, turning on to the new page of my life, I learn a lot. In these past 8 months of 2017, there are lots of joys and tears - well things got so emotional most of the time. The challenges of being an adult get real and suck everyday, that I almost forget to smile and be happy. (Can't you see how much I want to be 17 years old again?)

Also, if you have read my blog since zaman dakdak belog baru nak up (Lol not me but there was this zaman berbelog famous few years back; 2009-2012), you know about me very well. Yeah, let alone the changes of my writing styles, also about my life. I know I am NO LIKE HANIS ZALIKHA but guys once you write on blog, people read about you and eventually know you too. 

Also about your relationship. 

...as what I have said earlier, things get tough and hard, life becomes more stressful, now I am entering the phase of being and thinking like an adult. And so my life matters recently.

I know some of my alam maya friends here know me and always drop by, leaving lovely and thoughtful comments that motivate me to write even more (even tak pernah jumpa, but I love you guys, especially Group Sabar Itu Indah; my novel. If I have to write your name here, memang banyak sangat! Miss me writing? Maybe after this I will continue writing.)

The two things that I wanna share to you here are:

1. I am now officially working. So, no more unemployed Fateen and after this, there will be more on work matters in this blog. Wow, this is going to be a boring blog. Lol, no la! I promise I'll write the best part only.
2. Say hi to "singular". No plural. Let go of my past blogposts okay? Tho I love reading your comments but life must go on, remember?

& I feel truly blessed as I still surrounded by peoples who love me and stay by my side through my struggling phase - and you too maybe? 😘😢

Eh suddenly nak stop writing when I open up about this. Hahahaha till then.

xx

💪

2016: Losing You, My Dear Nenek

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

Rasanya tahun 2016 mencatatkan tahun paling jarang update blog. Mungkin virus malas telah merebak dan menular dalam diri ini lol. Cakap nak update cerpen dan novel baru pun tak di-update jugak. Busy is not the main problem here, the problem is malas malas dan malas.


Bila menulis pun dah jadi kekok.

2016 was the toughest year in my life. Really. In January 2016, when I just started with my practicum, I've lost the woman that I love so much, my grandmother. Nenek yang membesarkan dari kecik up until last year. I've never opened up about the exact situation when I heard about the news.

Me and Beth baru balik dari sekolah & was about to go to the laundry & going back to the school for meeting. On Thursday, 28th. And the same date as my best friend's birthday, Nuzul. Well it was our initial plan. However, before we went to the laundry, Beth wanted to go the the public toilet first. So, I just waited in the car and scrolling the TL of my Instagram.

Until then, mom sent whatsapp text in our family group.

Mak dah sikda gik. 

(Mak [read: nenek] dah meninggal)

The moment I read the text, I just can't digest what I read. I knew it, I understand but at the moment, I just don't know how to react and I felt my world had stopped. Without Beth beside me, I'm on my own in the car and I just remember that I turned off the radio.

Beth was back in the car and talked to me which I can't remember. I only remember that I told her "Nenek dah sikda" and she was shocked.

My phone rang and I knew when I answered the phone call, I will burst into tears. Yes, I cried the moment I heard my sister told me with her husky voice and telling me the exact thing like what my mom had sent to us.

I cried. And I told Beth, I don't believe it.

Thanks to my practicum partner for being very understanding and she helped me a lot a as I still cried.

Dari call pihak sekolah cakap tak dapat attent our very first meeting, drove back to our rumah sewa dan singgah tapau makanan as we have not eaten anything just yet. Then, masa dah sampai rumah, I was sitting dengan menangis, she helped me tanya procedures student yang tengah prac nak apply cuti untuk balik atas urusan keluarga. I called ketua unit, asking my Nak Leput sisters and telling them about the news at the same time and I cried again.

I remember Beth told me pergi mandi, solat & baca yasin. For every action that I did, dengan tangisan dan air mata. Cakap dengan Beth masih tak percaya and insisted on going back home terus. I asked for Fahmi's help untuk tengok tiket flight because I wanted to see my dear nenek masa tu jugak. Unfortunately, tiket sold out dan yang available pun petang. So tak jadi sebab I need to wait for my sister from Bintulu and my brother from Mukah.

Really, it was hard and I can't deal with my own feelings. I sat down watching Beth asking me to at least eat while waiting.

I've called banyak sangat orang & yes, still crying. Begging them to please wait for me before mandikan jenazah. But, my aunty told me jenazah tengah dimandikan di surau. This was the moment when I cried so hard that I almost got fainted.

The promise that I made the last year (2015) while taking care of her, nak mandikan dia sewaktu dia dah takda. It's not because of her current situation that made me think of doing so, but, dari dulu lafi, while in Form 4, niat saya memang nak mandikan ahli keluarga (mahram) di saat kematian mereka.

Sedih hanya Allah yang tahu, bila dah sampai kampung, sebab jenazah dibawa ke rumahnya, my uncle told me, a few days before my dear nenek meninggal, she kept on calling my name. Allahu.. nangis balik. Even sekarang tengah taip pun saya nangis. I miss her.

So many things to say here but have to stop telling the story here..

She left us dengan tenang. In front of Nek Yan (neksu) dengan my uncle. After my uncle suap her air suam,. & she left peacefully. Allah mudahkan.. tapi terkilan lah kan, I wasn't there. I wasn't able to hear her last words. Ya Allah rindunya...

I thought I am able to write about this after almost a year but still, setiap masa teringatkan my dear nenek, I cried,

Datang di rumah almost jam 12 malam, tengok sekujur tubuh kecil yang selalu murah dengan ciuman dan pelukan tatkala cucunya ini balik dari asrama. Tidur bersebelahan.. kalau kena marah dengan parents, arwahlah yang  akan mempertahankan. Balik asrama, bagi duit diam-diam sebab takut duit bekal tak cukup. Bila tak balik rumah sendiri masa cuti, balik rumah aunty, where my dear nenek tinggal, arwah akan masak masakan kegemaran.

She was the first to know that I was in a relationship with F back in October, 2010.

Nek, I've completed my studies. Dulu nenek selalu cakap, entah sempat entah tidak nak tengok saya abis belajar dan grad pakai topi segi empat. :(

I promise, on the day of my graduation, I dedicate my degree to you my dear nenek, besides my parents.

May Allah grant you the highest place in Jannatul Firdaus, Allahyarhamah  Sarbanun Binti Said. Innalillahi wainnalillahi rojiun. Al-Fatihah.

Dengan izin Allah, suatu hari nanti, andai cucumu ini dijemput untuk menjadi tetamu Allah, akan ku hadiahkan jemputan itu khas buatmu, dear nenek.

My first and last graduation that my dear nenek attended. On 2010, Form 5.

Cerpen : Cinta Tak Harus Memiliki (Part 2 / Ending)

Assalamualaikum and Hi Nah hari ini ada sikit rajin, so marilah kita membaca kerana ini kesudahan cerita kita. Hehehehehehehehhee komen okay? :) xx

Cerpen : Cinta Tak Harus Memiliki (Part 2 / Akhir)

“We are very sorry Miss for the inconvenience. Obviously it is not because of the weather. It must be the technical part. We will inform you shortly.”

Dua kali dah jogathon ke kaunter pertanyaan, memang ayat yang sama dia dengar. Sudahnya Dian mengambil keputusan untuk mengopi di Starbucks. Kopi dan Dian berpisah tiada. Duduk selama kurang dari sejam sambil membaca novel terkini daripada penulis yang diminatnya, Colleen Hoover sambil menghirup Frappucino memang betul-betul mengisi masanya daripada terbuang, buat bodoh di dalam kawasan KLIA2.

Rasanya kali terakhir Dian menjejakkan kaki di situ 2 tahun lepas. Selalu dia nak berlepas, kalau menggunakan perkhidmatan MAS, dia akan terus ke KLIA. Sesak dan besar KLIA2 dah kira macam tengah membeli belah di Pavi. Bermacam-macam jenis orang dia jumpa. Sebab itu lebih seronok mengasingkan diri sambil layan watak dalam novel.

Apabila menyedari seseorang duduk di belakangnya, Dian tersentak. Bau kopi yang lama tak dhidunya. Moccachino panas. Hanya seorang yang dia kenali yang akan sentiasa memilih kopi itu.

“Dian, saya nak Mocha + Cappuccino panas okay.”

“Dian, boleh tak jangan kerap minum kopi yang sejuk-sejuk. Share Mocca panas dengan saya nak?”

“Dian, jom kita order Mochachino panas sama nak? Bau dia lagi kaw dari minum yang sejuk.”

Ayat lazim daripada seseorang yang pernah menjadi penting dalam hidupnya dulu. Tapi jawapan untuk setiap ayat adalah sama.

“Taknak Zahin. Awak minum lah air panas sebab saya suka yang sejuk.”

Tak mahu menoleh ke belakang, tak mahu mempertaruhkan nasib dan berteka-teki siapa di belakangnya, Dian melawan perasaan dengan meneruskan bacaannya. Body mist Victoria’s Secret dikeluarkan daripada tote di tepinya. Disembur disekeliling dengan muka slumber ayam, tak kisah orang bagi pandangan dengan dia, semata-mata mahu mengelak daripada menghidu bau minuman orang dibelakangnya.

“You must be ‘allergic’ to Mocha and Cappuccino’s smell right?” dan botol body mist pun terjatuh ditangannya tatkala terkejut dengan sapaan orang di belakangnya.

“Fuh…nasib baik!” bila menoleh ke belakang dan mendengar suara orang tersebu, Dian berasa lega.

“Kenapa nasib baik?” soal lelaki di depannya.

“Nasib baik, awak bukan Zahin.” Dia main cakap seolah-olah lelaki itu mengenali siapa Zahin yang dimaksudkannya.

“Oh, tak. Saya Shahin.” Dah kenapa nama bunyi seakan sama. Ada tanda nak terserempak dengan orang lama ke macam mana?

“Oh.”jawab Dian sepatah.. tak berminat dan tak nak mesra alam dengan stranger. Kot-kot dia pencuri ataupun spy. Nasihat Abah dia ingat, jangan nak terlampau mesra alam dengan orang masa dekat airport. Banyak sangat spesies yang suka pakai topeng sekarang. Tambah lagi dengan empati dia tak bertempat, mudah sangat nak kesian.

Dah lepas 5 muka surat novel dibacanya, sepatah haram pun Dian tak ingat dan tak faham. Lagak membaca novel dah macam baca formula Matematik Tambahan bila kena baca berkali-kali. Ni semua sebab si Solehin dibelakangnya. Ke Salihin? Entah nama dia tak ingat sebab tak penting.

Zahin.

“Awak tahu kan, saya boleh melutut walaupun depan orang ramai.” Ayat berani mati daripada Zahin kepadanya dua tahun lalu.

“Melututlah. Dan awak pun tahu bila hati saya dah keras, awak melutut atau meniarap sekalipun, saya tak akan pandang pun, Zahin.”

Entah di mana kekuatan yang dia ada, dia mampu balik sendiri dengan menaiki teksi, meninggalkan Zahin di belakangnya.

Dulu Zahin antara yang utama, walaupun dia diletakkan pada tempat kedua dan di bawah yang lain. Sejak satu per satu masalah menimpa mereka, tanpa ada kata yang sama untuk menyelesaikan, semakin kuat kata hati untuk berkata pergi.

Atas persetujuan mereka, setelah dipaksa oleh Zahin, mereka bertemu semula. Yang terakhir sebagai berdua. Walaupun untuk beberapa tempoh permulaan itu, mereka masih lagi berjumpa, walaupun masing-masing membawa kawan.

Kita bertemu cara yang baik, kita berpisah cara yang baik.

Mungkin dengan berkawan, mereka lebih tahu menghargai masing-masing dan tidak mengongkong dan terkongkong. Mungkin dengan membawa haluan masing-masing, mereka lebih tahu dan mampu untuk mengatur haluan hidup dan impian yang lebih bertumpu kepada cinta terhadap cita dan kebahagiaan orang tua. Mungkin juga, berpisah mengajar mereka untuk tidak saling bergantung dan tidak mengira siapa punya pengorbanan yang banyak dan siapa yang sedikit hulurannya.

Dian menutup novel yang dibacanya setelah benar-benar pasti bahawa memang dia tak mampu menghadam bacaannya lagi kerana terhidu bau kopi sahaja.

Still, the silly Dian. Suka mengingat banyak perkara walaupun semuanya menyakitkan. Bohong lah kalau cakap tak rindu Zahin dan keluarga serta kawan-kawan Zahin yang gila-gila semuanya.

Kalau kembali bersama Zahin, tak akan mengembalikan kepercayaannya. Tak juga mengembalikan kejujuran mereka. Apatah lagi mengembalikan semula apa yang telah pergi, seperti impian dan separuh hatinya.

Cliché sangat fikiran Dian setiap kali terkenangkan Zahin. 2 tahun pun masih belum membuka ruang dan laluan kepada yang lain. Dian ada prinsip baru setelah membuka buku baru 2 tahun lalu.

Tetapkan matlamat hidup dan capailah satu per satu impian itu. Setiap kali dia meletakkan matlamat hidupnya, sentiasa disertakan niat kerana ingin lebih ke arahNya dan ibu bapanya. Macam sekarang, sibuk ulang-alik KL-Sabah semata-mata kerana menghadiri kelas di UMS untuk program Master nya.

Dian. Sibuk dengan kerjayanya, sibuk dengan pelajarannya, sibuk dengan diri barunya, sibuk dengan keluarganya, mengatur plan untuk menjelajah sendiri, sehingga lupa, dian kini sudah mencecah hampir 27 tahun, single dan tak ada hidden relationship dengan sesiapa.

Sebab dah serik dan malas. Bila ada, dia datang dan terima. Kalau tiada, maka anggap saja jodoh lebih kearah rezeki orang tuanya untuk puas merasa dia ada di sisi mereka.

Cukup!

Malas nak membiarkan diri terbuai dek kerana bau kopi, dia bangkit untuk bertanya buat kali ketiga di kaunter pertanyaan. Biarlah diberi pandangan tajam, asalkan dia boleh melarikan diri daripada si Shin Shan dibelakangnya.

Baru nak melangkah meninggalkan Shin Shan, dia disapa semula. Saat dia mahu membalas saapan dibelakangnya, dia terkejut melihat lelaki di sebelah Shin Shan.

Oh, patutlah 2 cawan dia pesan kopi panas. Satu untuk dia sendiri, dan satu lagi..

“Zahin?!” Dian ketawa. Ikhlas.

“Dian!” Zahin berdiri semula. Serius dia tak langsung terdetik, dan terperasan perempuan yang duduk di meja berhadapan dia dengan Shahin tadi.

Dian yang dulu dengan Dian yang dilihatnya kini lain. Sangat lain.

“Shahin, boleh tak?” siap bagi isyarat baik punya, kawan baik sendiri dia halau untuk bagi laluan untuk bercakap dengan Dian. Setahun setengah sepi tanpa khabar berita, Dian hilang dari capaiannya, setelah kedua-dua pihak mereka mengetahui penghujung mereka hanya selepas 6 bulan berpisah.

“Dian.. boleh saya cakap sekejap?” Sopan dia meminta sedikit ruang untuk bertanya berita. Dian hanya tersenyum mengangguk. Tak salah, sebagai kawan, kata Dian pada dirinya sendiri.

“Nak ke mana?”  soalan pertama Zahin. Apa khabar? Macam mana kehidupan awak sekarang? Itu tak penting, yang penting nak tanya Dian nak lari ke mana. Mana tahu, ke luar negara nak bawak diri, fikir Zahin sendiri.

“Saya nak ke tandas tadi.” Balas Dian untuk mengelak daripada menjawab soalan sebenar. Mana tahu Zahin siap-siap beli tiket ikut sama terbang ke Sabah. Knowing Zahin, dia kalau nak buat benda, ikut kepala dia, mana nak kisah kalau duit habis atau tak ada masa. Zahin jenis yang main hentam, Dian jenis yang sistematik. Berbeza.

Dian..jujur please.” perkataan “jujur, please” daripada Zahin adalah kelemahan Dian. Maka rahsianya pun turut terbang bersama kapal terbang yang berangkat ke Jakarta. Diceritanya dari mula sampai pentutup tujuannya berada di KLIA2 pada hari itu.

“I am very proud of you, Dian. Apa yang awak nak, perlahan-lahan Allah bagi.” Alhamdulillah. Thanks Zahin” pendek sahaja jawapannya.

“Awak tak nak tanya pasal saya?” Zahin menduga. Dian menggeleng. Jauh di sudut hatinya dia kecewa. Mahu ditanya seperti mana dia kisahkan Dian sebentar tadi. Dian yang perasankan perubahan itu, tersenyum.

“Awak tahu kan yang awak sendiri tak mampu untuk jujur sepenuhnya walaupun saya cakap ‘jujur please’ berapa banyak kali sekalipun?” Zahin tersenyum.

Ya Dian, mana mungkin saya mampu jujur bahawa saya sentiasa dibayangi dengan rasa bersalah terhadap awak. Mencari dan memerlukan awak. Menahan diri dari tertanya-tanya perihal awak.

“Satu yang awak kena tahu Dian, saya tak kahwin macam lagi. Yang awak cabar saya dulu.”

Dian faham, tapi dia memilih jalan yang sudah elok diatur sama seperti 2 tahun dulu. Fokus kepada matlamat, barulah kempali semula kepada matlamat terakhir, iaitu jodoh dalam erti kata sebenar.

“Attention to all passanger of flight AK….” Tak pasti sama ada pengumuman penerbangan itu untuk dirinya atau tidak, Dian terus berdiri dan mengambil barang-barangnya.

“Jangan kejar saya dan jangan ikut saya Zahin. We are adults and act like ones. Awak kena percaya satu benda, kalau jodoh takkan kemana. Awak sendiri pernah cakap, kalau tak ada jodoh, one day Allah will sends a better one for each of us. Just temankan saya berjalan sampai tempat check-in boleh kan?”

Zahin berdiri. Tersenyum. At least Dian tak biarkan dia sendiri di situ.

“Thanks Dian. We both learn a lot from our past. Let’s just remain as friends, boleh tak?” Serius dia ikhlas, tak ada niat lain. Sekarang tak ada masa dah nak main tapis-tapis. Dah dua-dua line clear. Dia hanya perlu tunggu dan ikut rentak Dian. Malas dah nak main puppy love. Tua sangat dah nak jadi tak professional dalam hubungan.

“Boleh. Once saya habis kelas, kita minum kopi okay? Saya minum Moccachino panas, dan awak minum Frappuccino sejuk. Deal?”

Zahin ketawa dan terpaksa bersetuju, andai itu mampu membuatkan Dian mahu berkawan dengannya. Perlahan-lahan bayang-bayang Dian hilang sehingga ke laluan tempat menunggu di balai berlepas dilihatnya dengan senyuman yang sudah lama hilang pada diri seorang Zahin.

Melihat siapa Dian sekarang, Zahin akhirnya lega.

Melihat siapa Zahin sekarang, Dian bersyukur.

See.. tak perlu untuk kembali semula untuk berbaik, hanya perlu menunjukkan sisi terbaik daripada kedua-dua pihak. Mereka terlalu matang untuk melalak agar kembali. Percaya pada setiap percaturanNya, pasti akan dipenuhi apa yang diminta, bila ikhlas dibawa bersama.

Ingat, Cinta Tak Harus Memiliki.

Cerpen : Cinta Tak Harus Memiliki ( Part 1)

Assalamualaikum and Hi! Setelah sekian lama bakan dipendam, jom kita asah semula bakat. Ruang komen dibuka setelah setahun ditutup :) Missing my writing era.

“Dian?”

“Yep”, teh yang masih panas di depannya ditiup. Tak nampak langsung macam seorang yang berumur 24 tahun.

\

“Kita berbaik?” Dari tadi Zahin di depannya tidak dipandang. Bila ditanya, dijawab sepatah. Paling teruk, di jawab guna isyarat badan.

Padan muka Zahin. Selama ini bukan main dia cuba nak bertoleransi dengan perangai acuh tak acuh dia dalam hubungan. Sekali dah kecewa, ajak lah seribu kali pun berbaik, memang tak la wei, jawabnya. Lagi-lagi dengan spesies hati batu macam Dian.

“Kira baik lah ni. Saya nak jumpa awak. Kalau tak, whatsapp awak pun saya tak sudi reply.” Jawapan memang lah makan dalam bagi Zahin, tapi Dian sendiri rindu. Cuma malas nak bagi muka lagi. Taknak pisang berbuah dua kali.

“Okay, awak nak saya buat apa? Cakaplah apa-apa sekalipun.” Kalau dulu soalan itulah soalan yang paling ditunggunya, tapi tidak lagi sekarang.

Walau susah manapun Dian sekarang, dia takkan cari Zahin lagi. Dulu memanglah Zahin kaunter pertolongan dia, tapi sekarang, kalau boleh dengan sesiapa pun dia tak nak minta pertolongan. Puas sangat kena pijak kepala, kalau orang tahu mereka diperlukan oleh golongan sepertinya, orang buat macam-macam pun kena hadam kena terima.

“Saya nak awak cari yang lain.” Suara mendatar dan hati kering, dia cakap main hentam depan Zahin. Sengaja nak menguji. Kalau Zahin ada calon, baik dia berundur. Taknak main macam Cheryl Cole lafi dah, Fight For This Love.

“Saya nak awak. Kalau kita kahwin, mesti masalah kita settle. Tak ada dah nak gaduh-gaduh macam ni lagi.” Entah dari mana cadangan yang Zahin cakap itu membuatkan Dian memandang Zahin. Sungguh berbeza cara dia dan Zahin berfikir.

“Apa awak ingat kahwin akan kembalikan kepercayaan saya? Semua masalah kita yang awak selalu biarkan tergantung selama ni akan selesai kalau kahwin? Teori apa awak pakai ni?” dia tembak Zahin kena pada batang hidung soalan cepumas untuk dijawab.

Kahwin atau bertunang sekalipun takkan menyelesaikan masalah mereka, bahkan, makin membuatkan Dian terfikir bahawa lebih mudah Zahin akan mengongkong dan mengatur kehidupannya selepas itu. Masalah? Makin bertambah adalah.

“…Entahlah awak, makin lama hubungan kita, makin saya rasa, saya tak kenal awak. Sebab itulah, sayang saja tak cukup. Mana pergi komitmen, kejujuran dan perhatian awak? Dah bawak pergi masa selalu outstation ke? Lepas tu tinggal.” sentap sekali lagi Zahin dikenakan Dian.

Memang benar kata orang, manusia berubah. Tak pada rasa, tapi pada cara. Sayang masih ada tapi mana pergi kejujuran dan perhatian dia?

“Jangan buat saya macam ni, Dian.” Entah apa yang Dian buat, dia pun tak pasti.

“Saya buat apa dengan awak? Saya ke yang dah taka da masa untuk hubungan ini? Saya ke tak jujur dalam hubungan? Kalau betul yang awak busy dengan kerja dengan customers awak, kenapa nak kena rahsia bila saya tanya? Yang part paling tak adilnya pulak, awak sibuk nak tahu ke mana saya pergi dan dengan siapa? Lepas tu, tak puas hati lagi, awak check semua media social saya? Saya buat apa? Jadi psycho pegi tempat kerja awak tanya kawan sekerja awak tentang aktiviti awak? Intip awak ke mana-mana awak pergi? Telefon sesiapa kat rumah awak tanya jam berapa awak balik kerja dan turun kerja?” memang dia boleh buat, tapi Dian memilih untuk berdiam dan melihat macam mana dan sampai bila Zahin akan terus dengan kehidupannya yang sibuk.

Ya, dia faham atas tuntutan kerja. Tapi kerja sampai berahsia, kemana-mana pun berahsia. Mustahil tak ada rasa ragu-ragu. Again, sayang saja tak cukup.

“Saya kerja. Saya carik duit.” Wow, jawapan kepada soalan-soalannya memang cliché sangat. Well, knowing Dian, she doesn’t buy that simple and brief explanation.

“Then, kerjalah sampai awak mereput. Tak payah sibuk cari saya. Tak payah sibuk nak cakap pasal kahwin pasal tunang depan saya. Lagak awak berperangai macam ni Zahin, betul-betul bagi saya beraggapan yang awak desperate. Terdesak sebab umur atau orang di sekeliling awak dah settle down. Cadangan saya, awak carik jodoh di tempat kerja awak. Kawan awak ada cakap kan, ada sorang perempuan di tempat kerja awak selalu kacau awak. Kalau kahwin dengan dia, 24 jam bersama, tak lah nanti awak rasa insecure. Kalau dengan saya ni , yang masih berhingus, bekerja pun belum, tak cerah masa depan. Perangai pun macam budak-budak baru nak dewasa.”

Kira satu samalah mereka berdua kali ini. Masing-masing ada kekurangan. Tapi kekurangan yang tak sepadan untuk dilengkapi.

“Cinta tak seharusnya memiliki, Zahin.” Matanya masih memandang Zahin yang menunggu masa nak melepas marah dan sedih. Baik dia cepat-cepat habiskan syarahan dia. Zahin memang kurang melawan secara verbal. Dia lebih kepada tindakan. Silap hari bulan, dia boleh melutut meniarap di depan orang.

“…Saya tetap sayang awak sampai bila-bila. If I say, I wanna put this relationship to an end, saya harap awak tak fikir yang saya akan ada lelaki lain terus. Sebab saya memang dah sayang awak, nak move on memang susahlah. Tapi kalau awak dah ada jodoh dan pengganti, teruskan. Jangan berselindung sebab awak berhak bahagia. Itu yang awak cari yang saya tak dapat daripada awak. Saya mintak, awak tengok balik macam mana awak 4 tahun yang dulu dalam hubungan dan macam mana awak sekarang. Jadi diri awak yang dulu untuk dia nanti.”

“Apa maksud awak dengan pengganti? Saya cakap saya nak hidup dengan awak.” Tangan Zahin menggenggam kerusi seolah-olah nak membaling kerusi di depannya.

Sebelum Zahin mengeluarkan barannya di depan orang, baik dia keluar daripada Coffee House itu cepat-cepat. Belum sempat dia melangkah, Zahin sudah memegang bahunya. Sudahnya, Dian terpaksa berjalan bersebelahan dengan Zahin.

“…awak tau kan yang saya boleh melutut?

....... bersambung....

Melututkah Zahin? Adakah Dian akan menerima Zahin hanya dengan ucapan maaf? Again, Cinta Tak harus Memiliki. 

Belajar menerima kenyataan, tunggu part 2 k :)

Review #1 : Printcious

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

Okay let's be fair here. I know I've been..umm invisible for 'forever' in here and does not update any events of my life or my new novel, but believe me, I need my brilliant ideas and courage to write. Blogging is still my hobby, remember that. :)

Just to let you know, I appreciate something that is different. In other words, I really like custom made merchandises. In any occasion or events,  where I believe, giving present is one of the ways to show appreciation, this is a brilliant idea for us to show the difference.

For me personally, my creative side is only imagining and describing things which I love. This means, I need someone to help me to make my imagination comes to life. Hahahaha. Birthday gifts can be very meaningful to your loved ones if you know how to really impress them. Like come on guys, your best friend whom you assume as someone who is outspoken and dare to insult you, when.. the present you give to him/her during his/her birthday party is just the same as the one that he/she get from the other guest - which obviously they can't say something bad about them for giving the present. At least.

So there you go.. appreciate your loved ones more than anyone else can!

Back to my problem above, what I really like is making my dream comes true. Custom made merchandise as a present to my loved ones!

I've been searching for lots of websites and Facebook pages, Instagram shops for a custom made shop which I can express my creativeness of wanting things to be priceless. Often, I only managed to come to the custom made shops which have only little choices and i can only do the changes to the design only for the wordings. 

Until one day, I found Printcious on Facebook! Well, thank you for making my life easier, Facebook and Printcious. 

You can request to do your personalised merchandise such as mug, t-shirt, cushion, phone cases, ceramic tiles, puzzles, mouse pads and mini tees with YOUR OWN design guys! Yes, you read that right, YOUR OWN design! This is my lifesaver, I must say.

Now, seeing my loved ones opening the box of their presents with wide smile, really makes me smile as well. I'm not saying giving books, toys etc are not useful, but let's be different and creative.

I do believe, appreciating our loved ones with these personalised gift, really is the true..

"Precious Gifts From Your Heart" - Printcious

A mug for one good friend of yours!

Well not simply picking one nice mug, you can customize some more..

So lets be creative by editing some words, of colour perhaps! 

As for couple, or maybe for your parents' anniversary present, couple t-shirt sounds good, huh?

How convenience is this! They have choices of colours, and sizes!

An of course, personalised is what we've been looking for! Image, extra texts with different fonts, sizes and colours available!

So? No need to wait! Sign up now and personalised your chosen merchandised as your gift to your loved ones.

So guys, this is a tips (well, you're welcome!) to a more beautiful and loving life.

Sitting on the sofa with a personalised cushion, wearing a couple t-shirts together, drinking coffee with a beautiful words of your own, and using phone case of your own photo are precious!

So now, lets head to http://www.printcious.com/ and don't forget to tell them, you know me! Hahahaha

I'll share mine soon (in sha Allah), and show me yours below in my comment or with a hashtag of #printcious in Instagram. I'll checked on it, I promise! :)

xoxo

Latah is conservative, so curse is?

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

Mind you, living in a hostel means Maggie and the most mouth watering dish that you can serve for yourself is anything egg-based dishes. In my case, telur mata and telur dadar for one lonely dinner.

#TeamMakanTelur


Although cooking in your dorm is illegal but who cares about the laws / term & condition (whatever you call peraturans) when your bank statement doesn't change from RM15 to RM650 right? Good things about being a teacher trainee lol #pluspoint


And, you don't have any fancy tupperware or GIACOMO plates in your hostel too. Tips for saving - recycle the transparent container from Sugar Bun, bought the container with the cover (the one that I bought during the first semester of the foundation. For the sake of masak maggie with boiled water and while waiting for the maggie to kembang, you cover the container with the lid)

Anyways.. too much set induction lol

I was enjoying my telur mata + kicap masin and telur dadar + ikan bilis with nasi putih alone after scolding myself for not be able to help my dad to update his personal data in the government website. And failing to do so even after asking few family members in whatsapp, I decided to read on Vivy's blog while placing the container on my lap.

Being a number one fan of telur mata and trying to appreciate every butir nasi and the telur, I'm struggling to not let even sebutir nasi fall from my mouth or the container.

The drama part just begins when I moved my sitting position and the container was falling from my lap!

I was so panic that I went...

"Sh*t sh*t sh*t...." and immediately save the container from falling upside down lol. I managed to save a few spoon full of rice with telur dadar left without making any mess on the floor like I always do. Hahahahah.


Actually, I will go "Oh mak!" instead of "dangggg" or "sh*t" when these sudden drama happen.

So today, in front of the rezeki, I cursed! I hope my few spoons of nasi berkat in my tummy. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night, going to the toilet. I rather fart all night hahahahahah gross I kid guys!



ps: How are guys doing? I miss blogging and writing but a lot of things happen these days. My grandma admitted and still in the hospital.. my examination is 2 weeks away and I haven't read a word, you see.. so many things to do, so many excuses I make.

Lets pray for our health and pray I have time for writing during my semester break soon. Love you loads! :) xx

Draft 1: Siapapun Aku

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

In sha Allah, I'll be writing a new novel entitled, "Siapapun Aku" after I've done with my practicum and assignment phase. Oh after my language camp, and other tugas hakiki sebagai seorang pelajar. Hahahahaha intro ni rasa-rasa dapat A tak?

So, jangan lah sedih kalau Sabar Itu Indah dah tak diteruskan lagi. In sha Allah, Siapapun aku akan memberi kesan yang sama dengan Sabar Itu Indah. As requested, watak Sabar Itu Indah tak akan mati sehingga last word of the novel because Sofea pun akan masuk dalam novel ni. 

Nak tahu?

Watak lelakinya adalah Superman. By Superman, it means he is the police (Hi polis-polis sekalian!) tapi tugasnya sebagai soerang polis tidak diketahui ramai. Maaflah, saya tak tahu dan tak berani nak hentam bidang tugas dia dalam cerita ni nanti, jadi dah rujuk kepada Abang Mieeee. Dia cadangkan, watak ni work as a secret spy (pengaruh Kingsman I tell you!!) under UTK. 

Watak perempuannya adalah guru. Ecececece. Guru taska.

Taknak cakap banyak nanti tak ada unsur kejutan lol. Hahahaha.

Marilah kita sama-sama nantikan apakah mungkin seorang pegawai penyiasat yang juga seorang owner a business bertemu dengan seorang guru taska? Dan seorang yang workaholic yang serius yang tak suka bergaul dengan perempuan bertemu dengan seorang yang ceria dalam hari-harinya? 

Doakanlah saya rajin dan masa ada untuk mengasah bakat yang sudah lama disimpan. HAHAHAHA 

K, nak buat assignment k. *tukar mode*

Pandangan Awam.

Assalamualaikum and Hi!


(Baca sampai habis. Tak rugi memberi pandangan di ruangan komen. Kita sama belajar.)

Sejak kebelakangan ni, suka sangat jadi migran sebab banyak berfikir. Teringin jugak nak jadi manusia yang tak banyak fikir dan tak ambik pusing pun tentang benda-benda yang berlaku di sekelilingnya. Tapi, sejak menjadi individu yang banyak "bercakap" melalui tulisan (sejak berblog, berFacebook, berTwitter, berInstagram dan yang sama waktu dengannya) tak boleh rasanya kalau jadi individu yang ignorant pasal pandangan manusia. 

Bijaknya manusia ni bila berkata kerana pandangan mata saja. Hati kurang rasa, mata sahaja yang bekerja, lahirlah kata-kata yang tak tahu kesahihannya. 

Kadang-kadang, bijaknya tangan menaip kata hati ni, sebab i) dengki dan ii) tak mampu untuk berada pada situasi sebenar seseorang itu. Be it, situasi buruk or baik. Yang situasi baik orang kita tak dapat nak ikut, mulalah nak buat spekulasi yang konon orang buat tu salah. Yang situasi buruk pulak, kita yang tak pernah merasa, sibuk nak keruhkan keadaan orang, kesusahan orang. Sikap manusia mana hilang ntah. Kadang-kadang, haiwan lagi punya perasaan. (Lihat dan rasa: situasi semasa)

Maaflah, yang kat atas adalah prolog bagi entri ni. Contoh situasi kat bawah okay. Cuba baca dengan hati, jawab dengan bijaknya akal yang diberi dan yang buruk, buang jauh-jauh. Yang baik, simpan untuk bekal setiap hari. Okay?

1. Scroll Instagram semalam and ternampak satu post yang si A like. Screencapture pandangan orang yang memberi pandangan. Pandangan beliau adalah tentang orang yang suka post gambar dia dengan suami, dia dengan anak, dia bahagianya kahwin awal. Salah ke tak? Tolong lah jawab sendiri ya. Satunya, sebelum nak memberi pandangan, ingat i) dia dah kahwin dan ii) Instagram tempat untuk post gambar bukan untuk upload dokumen assignment TESL Semester 6. Dan perspektif lainnya adalah, iii) kalau masa dia couple dulu, sibuk kata dia upload gambar boypreng / gepreng padahal tak sah lagi dan paling sentap (saya selalu kena!) entah kekal, entah kena tipu setengah jalan. Dan point to ponder lagi adalah, iv) instagram awak, memang awak upload mp3 dan bukan gambar eh? v) Instagram dicipta untuk upload gambar, (tapislah mana yang patut), Facebook dicipta untuk menghubungkan manusia sesama manusia dengan gambar, video, kata-kata, pesanan (tapislah mana yang rasa nak, mana yang rasa tak perlu), Twitter juga sama, blog (pilihlah sebagai medium apa pun. Perhatian: blog, kalau nak dijadikan diary, boleh di private, misalan tak mahu bagi orang baca.)


Situasi 1 di atas fikirkanlah sebelum nak memberi pandangan.

Kesian pada dia yang kahwin awal, dia yang ada anak, dia yang mahu membukukan kenagan manis pahit bersama kesayangan dengan mereka yang terbuka tangannya menerima dia dan keluarganya. Nampak logik? Tak nampak mana patutnya, bukankah ada butang unfollow, unfriend dan block di semua medium di atas? Berbuatlah demikian, jangan memberi pandangan salah. Jangan. Perasaan orang jaga. Kalau melalui pandangan anda cakap, kita jaga orang punya rasa, orang tak jaga rasa kita. Senang saja, orang  tak tahu mahu apa kita di Instagram di Facebook dan apa pun medium, orang tak tahu, tak usah beritahu. Hanya pilih siapa yang anda mahu. Si A tidak menepati kriteria orang yang perlu anda follow, maka unfollow. Unfollow pun kurang senang hati, maka block lah. Setelah di block, jangan lah dicanang dengan si B. Jangan. Hati A jaga sikit pun jadilah.

Tak susah nak baik dengan orang yang kita tak suka. Diam, sudah.

2) Drama rantaian. Melihat kepada Facebook sendiri, saya antara orangnya. Sensitif dengan situasi mengenai hati manusia. Kelas Beta ditindas Alpha. Hati senang sangat tersentuh. Malangnya, kebenaran lambat diketahui. Selalunya benar, selalunya salah. Selalunya ada tokok tambah. Satu cerita dikongsi berjuta, banyak perencah. Saya juga antara yang tertipu kerana hati mendahului logik. Selalunya atas dasar simpati dan empati.


Rujuk situasi 1. Ada lagi individu yang memberi pandangan tentang orang sebegini. Kenapa isu individu bawah umur melahirkan anak. Dikatakan, golongan kecil sekarang, membesar dengan gajet di tangan. Bila gajet ditangan, semua informasi dekat. Bila usia muda sudah memiliki akaun di media sosial, mereka dekat dengan apa sahaja yang diberitakan di media sosial. Tatkala melihat kepada situasi 1, mereka mungkin mempunyai rasa ingin tahu dan ingin mencuba dan akhirnya...

Jangan, jangan hanya bersandar pada kebahagiaan orang lain untuk kita mempertikaikan sesuatu yang sudah terjadi. Pandangan salah, kesian pada mangsa itu, kesian orang yang kahwin muda. Lihatlah kita, bila kahwin muda, disalah ertikan kebahagiaan yang dikongsikan, sudah berumur tapi belum berkahwin, apatah lagi. Belum lagi yang mahu berkahwin tapi masih dalam status gepreng / boypreng. Jangan bersandarkan pada media sosial semata-mata untuk membincangkan satu perkara. Tanya kita. Benda dapat dielak kalau kita memang tahu dan mahu mengelak. Memanglah anak muda susah untuk dikatakan mampu membezakan logik atau tidak, tapi kita? Semua bermula daripada kita. Besarkanlah mereka dengan benda selainnya. Kita dapat, jangan orang salahkan.

Kalau yang disalahkan adalah orang yang memang patut (hubungan belum sah instead of suami isteri muda), mampu juga kita mengiakan. Tapi tengoklah, orang yang dah berkahwin, dah ada anak yang muda, yang berusaha mengelakkan apa yang ditakutnya, itulah yang kita tunjukkan silapnya.



Dan bagi Sabar Itu Indah 2.0, setelah menulisnya, hati rasa macam tak perlulah menulis lagi. Orang kahwin muda, beranak muda, kongsi cerita di alam maya, seperti situasi 1, adalah watak dalam novel ini. Takut, takut nanti disalahertikan. Konon-konon, penulisan sekarang banyak mengajar yang bukan-bukan kepada anak muda. Anak muda takmahu mengejar pendidikan kerana nak ikut #relationshipgoals seperti dalam novel yang mereka baca.

Persepsi awam: kahwin masa belajar, terus tak habis belajar sebab beranak awal. Uruskan anak etc. Pesan yang ingin mengejar relationship goals juga (saya), ukur baju di badan sendiri. Cukup. Akal untuk berfikir. Belajar untuk menerima bila aturan kita sebenarnya dengan motivasikan diri, ada hikmah. Lambat kahwin, dapat fokus belajar dan grad dan kerja dan mak bapak merasa duit kita sepenuhnya. (Logiknya: Dia tahu kita tak mampu kahwin masa belajar, jadi lambat setahun dua pun tak salah). Orang yang kahwin masa belajar ni, sebab mereka mampu (bukan mampu DUIT tapi mampu mental dan fizikal). Jangan samakan situasi orang dengan kita. Persekitaran dan cara pemikiran kita dan orang kita tak sama. Terima. Larilah sampai kemana pun, kalau A dengan B, maka A dengan B jugalah satu masa nanti.

Kepada anda yang setia dengan SII, saya mintak pandangan anda, kiranya perlu saya hentikan, maka saya akan hentikan kerana takut satu masa nanti SII dijadikan contoh kepada situasi 1 yang kononnya membawa kepada masalah tertentu. SII mempunyai tempat istimewa di hati saya dan sebolehnya saya mahu elak semua ini. Sebelum berlaku apa-apa, berilah saya pandangan anda.

Satu juga sebab yang orang cakap, penulisan novel kita sekarang banyak yang tidak membentuk nilai dalam diri remaja. Jika SII ada, nyatakan dan berilah idea untuk saya baiki.


Sebab saya pasti, ada salahnya saya dalam SII.

(cerita terlalu perfect, nanti orang cakap jugak, cerita kita terlalu sempurna, anti-climax. Haihhh.. )