Life Update and #StayAtHome (#DudukRumah)

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

How has this MCO / RMO doing so far? Wow it’s been a while since I last writing and I feel really awkward as I started to type this. I don’t even know how to begin even I have so many things to share. Hence, pardon me for the long hiatus… hiks!

With so many things spreading in our country and in the world right now, I bet this is also the reason for this blogpost. Trying to get back on track, doing simple workout, writing short stories or novel, participating in virtual Fun Run for at least once a year, going places, rewarding myself with things that I like, taking a very nice photos, be healthy and happy and the list goes on.

My hibernation throughout the past year (2019) until now has a lot to explain too but I might or might not write it here. However, those who knows, knows. Well I use to keep my life in public, but for the recent years, I kept them in private, although for those who knows me well on social media (only) might say, I share quite a lot. Believe me, it’s not what it really is.

I’ve been battling to find inner peace, self acceptance and getting healthier each day. To which these three might explain the whole context of my disappearance in blog maybe. Lol now that I realize, who’s gonna find me in here, btw? Really, kau sapaaa? Hahaha.

Jokes aside, but do I still have Team SII here? Hello everyone. Sorry lama dah otak tepu tak reti dah nak menulis. Bukak blog pun rasanya setahun sekali as in checking on the comments and spams. 😝

During this RMO, I honestly find it is quite difficult for a Gen X (or Y) like me to be productive when the internet coverage is the biggest issue in this area. Honestly, I have been losing my patience for many times because of the noncooperation coverage. Hey DiGi, I suggest you to improve on your coverage equal to how I pay monthly for the bills, will you?

Oh mind you, I did all the chores ready, I tried new recipes, baking almost everyday, etc etc etc. Ye, ade je membaca mengaji tapi nanti nak cakap sangat cakap heyyyy tak layak mkay? So, yang itu lain cerita. 

I wanna ask all of you, hand in hand (wow kemain kau, Fateng?) to at least help our country, our government as well as our peoples who are in need of our favour. By just #stayathome or #dudukrumah only. Lessen the burden of those who works in the frontline as well as help them by helping you too, to break the chains of this virus. It's so heartbreaking to see there are still a lot of people out there take things for granted. The government and the other NGOs have been helping us to cope and deal with the situation but some of us seems to not appreciate the efforts enough. You do read everywhere, in fact peoples around you talk about the impacts on us in a long and short term. But the ignorance and negligence take over the selfish and irresponsible citizens. 😢😪

With the countless efforts as well as conveniences given each day, alongside the improvements to please the peoples, there's also no sign of the decrease in the case reported for the virus each day.. yet. I truly understand, at some points, staying at home, has it pros and cons - but there's always a reason for every action taken. Life and health are all that matter now. With the ignorance and selfishness by some of us, no doubt that this RMO will be extended to a further date. I mean, it is still a privilege for some who has  a fixed monthly salary, but have you ever imagine for those who still need to work on daily basis and depending on their daily rezeki to survive; walaupun they receive help from the government and other peoples. Here's another question, sampai bila nak bergantung kepada pertolongan kan? They still need to go out and work too, because that's their self-satisfaction. Bekerja untuk kelangsungan hidup sendiri. Even some of us also miss going out and live normally like how we used to be and work normally. Just be cooperative in the time given for this duduk rumah movement. Also, to prevent the virus to spread even worst.

On the side note, I am currently helping my friend (indirectly) in her mission to contribute to the society who are affected in this situation. Yeay! Perhaps it's a good thing that you can do at home, too. My friends are currently collecting the donation to buy basic needs like beras, cooking oil, eggs, sugar and such to some families. I mean, there are a lot of peoples who are doing this too. Some of the higher agencies and companies help in a big amount specifically to suffice any insufficient needs which the frontline need in order to treat the patients as well as the other needs too.

In this RMO period, we might not have the permit to simply go out and buy things for people, but via these channel of agencies or individuals who already asked for a permit and following the SOP / rules implemented, we can share or do our parts too. Or you can start it first, at your own area. If you happen to just want to be the donor, check and ask before you give. Just to ensure it's legit. After all, that's your right, ait? Also not to mention, nowadays banyak scammers claiming this and that, but in the end, tak nampak apa-apa.

So wow I write a lengthy post after a year of hibernation, huh? 👏 Becuase I wrote this in two different times. The first part was last night.. then the last part was right in this moment. LOL.

Well, at least finally I make use of why I signing in to this blog 9 years ago. 

p/s: Let us keep on praying for the safety of ourselves, families, friends, the frontliners, all of us, be  it in our country, as well as the world itself. May Allah always melindungi dan memudahkan semua urusan kita. Aamin YRA. 

Till then xx

Share what you do during this RMO period in the comment below! It might comes in handy to people like me for the following days. 💗

2019 and what's up?

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

So it is already February and not try to be bias here, but still a new year to me. So HAPPY NEW YEAR guys. Probably, I wanna say umm HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR (?) 

2018 has been a tough year for me since day 1 until the last day of the last month but let's move on, shall we? Yaa, as if by saying move on, we are really moving on, right?

The highlight of 2018 for me is definitely the first grandchild in The Kamarudins. My nephew, Faaeq Aisy Anaqi. 

Since Mamamei is still single, you are going to be my boyfriend as for now, okay?

Welcoming Aisy as the new member in the family is the only thing that I wanna highlight, I guess. So, what's hot and new for 2019?

I actually don't really do this new year resolutions thingy, though, every year I made lots of resolutions that I wish I could achieve at the end of the year. But you know what, I am not that consistent and never will be. I just can write but to do them.. I'll let you do for me mmkay?

Turning 26 in 2019, I've made up my mind (yeke ni?) that even I am not consistent in striving my goals for this year, well at least, I can unlock one of those lists that I make earlier. As for the other resolutions, I still have to do it - although achieving them are nearly impossible, but at least I try. 

I realize that this year's resolutions are more mature than the previous ones. Previously, I was preaching about jodoh la kaya la apa la; and giving a little focus on my inner self and improving in what I'm lacking at.

Yep.

1. Too blessed to be stressed. In the previous year, I was so stressed and (self proclaimed: depressed) as  I was facing too much pressure and problems. Living in negative environment and vibes, making the situation even more difficult. With small circle of friends, later on, I realize that I am living in more peace and couldn't care less with what happen around me which are not related to me at all.

You know what? Cared too much about things which are none of your business eventually effect you and the peoples involved. More to negative effects than the positive ones. I've been in this situation, hence the pressure, and me being so stress about my life! As if, memikirkan masalah negara lol. So, this year, I hope and pray that I will continuously remind myself to keep my circle small, to count the blessings, and focus on what I'm doing without minding about things which have nothing to do with my life and my family. 

2. Healthy. Pfft. 

This.

Sounds.

Easy.

But..

It.

Isn't!

Speaking of being healthy. Last year, I've been going in and out from the clinic / hospital, literally at least once for every two months. Though it wasn't a serious health problem (nauzubillah.. nobody wants it.) but it was very tough for me to bear. Imagine, people questioning about your health, because you seem fine on the outside for them. But as if you can show them the pain like 'nah sis, masuk dalam badan saya kejap rasain lohh!' lol because by the look on my face isn't enough, somehow. I am not really a cry baby in front of people because eyy ingat orang hadap you sakit ke so please man up. 

This year, I want to focus on my health but only in January itself, I went to the hospital for two times. That one time, I had to ask for an early pelepasan because I have to go to the hospital. On my own. There you go Miss Independent. Siap pegi yellow zone. Not to worry, everything is fine now. 

I lost weight and I am struggling to gain weight and my goal is to gain up to my minimum weight for an ideal BMI. I've been eating religiously but I can't keep up to the schedule of eating 6 times a day. Also I am not working out, for this year. Yet. See, how can I nag and brag about not gaining weight if I know I'm not doing it right to get back on track? 

3. Improving my inner self. Talking about being religious huh? But as bad as one can be, there is always niat in them, trying to be good and improving themselves too. Slowly. Like others. I won't talk much about this but let's hope that what I'm dealing and doing behind the scene will always stay as what it is now or probably even better day by day. Aminn 💜

 

4. I've been practicing this since earlier this year, where, there will be a few minutes in a day, I will take a moment to think and reflect on what I've been doing on the day. Thinking about what I've been doing, the peoples and emotions involved. I've been dealing with mixed feelings and failures and I tell you what, having a good support system (family & friends or if you have a very supportive partner) is all you need to face these failures / frustrations. A plus point here, do not expect too much on people - even your loved ones. Why? Just don't. Because the pain causes by the one who used to close to you will leave the scar for the rest of your life. Learn to forgive but not forget, also learn to appreciate yourself. Know your worth. Don't put yourself too low that eventually you realize, you've been dealing with the same things all over again. Is it worth your time and effort?

5. Being productive is the repetition of the resolution which I can never achieve. Because I can be very productive today and I can be very lazy tomorrow. It is all about the motivation and how I control my mind. Well, more to the current mood. If I start my day with positive vibes all the way, well, I can focus on what I'm doing but if something spoils the day, I don't think I can smile for the day. I am that easy. As in I can be very cheerful now and in the next 10 seconds, I can be furious.. until the next week. Hahaha, good luck in dealing with me.

So,what's yours? 

10 Facts About Me. (2018 Edition)

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

I know, as referred to the title, it is an old topic but, as the matter of fact, it is still relevant to talk to..

This post is meant for my own reflection and future reference, if I wanna compare my previous post about the same thing and the current one, the previous one was more cheeky and 'dakdak' sangat.. but if you ask me to change it or delete it, nah.. for this time, I just let it there. More to a history. (':

2018 Edition of 10 Facts About Me.

1. I have not read any book this year. I do read books but what I mean is I did not finished my reading until the last page. I always leave it halfway. Umm.. not even half of the book actually. 
2. Even though, I've been taking plane for quite number of times, I still have fear whenever I'm on the plane; what more to say, when there was turbulence and all. And I always alone. 
3. I do love to travel even though I have not get any chance to travel like my friends do. Not that the permission from my parents that still worries me, but you know, the adult things like planning a proper one, saving money, being paranoid and whatnot. #suchasians
4. My two most favourite hobbies are still cooking and writing. As for now, it is more to cooking. I always wanted to write and the ideas always play in my mind, but when I urge myself to write, suddenly I feel very awkward and I lost of words. Well, I need to practice on writing again. Hence, this blogpost is the starting point, I must say.
5. If you ask me if I rather choose to read a book or watching any videos besides the movies, I would choose watching the videos (read: informative) because I barely got my proper me-time to read the whole book in peace. Usually, when I started to read, I always feel bad for leaving my works (reports, and reports, and paperworks and forms and urgh these boring stuff) behind.
6. At the age of 25, I still have bantal busuk and I've upgraded to another 2 bantal busuk but not really busukla, okay la got elephants flushie. 
7. Losing people that I love is my biggest fear, although I know, from this very moment, I will lose someone in my life. In 2016, my late grandmother, in 2017, broke up the 7 years plus relationship, and now? Seriously, I'm not ready for anything. 
8. I always love bags and foot wears. Hence, I've quite many type of bags and foot wear, but I end up wearing the same shoes and bag. :/
9. In my previous post about facts about me (2014 edition), I wrote, I'm not a fan of kpop nor runningman. However, I've been watching korean dramas, runningman, korean variety shows and some catchy songs from 2016 until now. How it started? Because of the KDrama, Descendants of the Sun. Hahahaha shame on me!
10. Adulting sucks! Hahahahaha. Really, this really sums up my life right now. One thing that I cherish the most about growing up (old) is I have a nephew. He is the king to my kingdom. 

So it is actually 20 facts about me, but suddenly I become malas so... 10 it is! :p

Being 25.

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

Oh well, the perk of being an educator is when you're on a school break too, together with your pupils. But not gonna mention about kids here lol. This teacher really needs a break, not thinking about works obviously.

So, my holidays start on Saturday evening as my flight was on that day. 😖 On the very last minute, Dad called off their plan on having a short break to my sister's place; and I have to make a last minute flight booking which I got the 'best' deal only on Saturday evening. *meh*

Anyways, I'm home now and tomorrow, I have to leave again; early morning, we have to be on the road by 9 a.m. to my sister's place. Yes guys, there goes my holiday, my plans are all scattered on the floor. Well, literally. I was planning on baking a few cakes and trying out some new recipes but ... (you know what I'm gonna say. Do you?)

That night, upon arriving home near midnight (approximately 11 p.m) I went straight to see my babylove, Faaeq Aisy Anaqi (my nephew) and gomol-gomol him and melepas geram dan rindu lol. There goes my mom guys...... starting her muqaddimah.

Mom: How old are you again? You are 1993's kid, ait? 

(Pardon me, of course my mom spoke in our mother tongue. Later I tulis betul-betul our language, you won't understand it lol. So, here I translate it to you, k)

Me: 25. Why?

Mom: Haaa.. boleh la you kahwin.

Me: Hah?

Mom: Yaaa.. because you're 25 dah. I still remember your nenek said bla bla bla...

Me: *trying to digest what had my mom said* Mak... when I had a boyfriend, Mak tak bagi kahwin. Now, I takde boyfriend suddenly cakap I dah boleh kahwin.

Mom: Because you're 25 and your nenek cakap, perempuan if dah 25 tahun bla bla bla..

*like seriously mom?*

Me: I don't have a boyfriend, Mak.

*and continue gomol my nephew and changing the topic*

This issue might be a normal issue to most of you guys. But, lemme clarify a few things here.

First thing first, my mom or my dad or both my parents neverrrrrrr... talk about something like this to us. In a serious situation, and seriously mean what they say. What I can say is, thinking of my mom saying this thing seems unreal for me. I still in disbelief lol pinch me please!

Secondly, I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND. Yet. Since my previous relationship. So.. this issue is  stressing me out. In other word, I don't know how to react and how to feel guys. Maybe if I am still in a relationship, I might jump in joy and calling the guy to bawak his parents to come over and do all that jazz idk guys what do they do before kahwin? Merisik berpantun bersyair bersajak lol please shall we just proceed and just officiate the relationship? - yaaa..I'm that cool kid, I don't really prefer the step by step of the adat. I want it direct to the point. 😀😛

However, in this kind of life status that I'm having now, I feel a bit sad & stress. I can easily like people, but to love them, take the whole effort for me. It's not about trial and error thing, it's about a lifelong thing. Bukan main ambik sebarang then kalau tak ngam boleh buang. 😧

Thirdly, I tak banyak cakap when my mom said this. I was speechless and surprised at the same time. Why? See the first thing I highlighted above. Now that I remember about this thing, I regret that I didn't ask about any term and condition from my mother. lol. 

If she tak letakkan syarat and serahkan everything to me, then, I'm good. If I do have one that I want; and suddenly criteria tak menepati, means I have to work on this. Hahahaha. But please guys, my mom isn't that "mak-mak dalam drama slot Akasia, Jam 7 petang TV3"  k because I believe, every mom wants the best for their children. If bersyarat pun bukan nak mintak hati nyamuk 7 dulang pun hiks.💚

So maybe I should've asked her about calon menantu yang macam mana diluluskan. LOL

In all seriousness, I love my mom. She's so cute & slumber je cakap "umur dah 25, boleh la kahwin"

Okay cabaran disahut. I'm in!

💪

Hashtag: The Bad Habits.

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

I know guys. Its 0320 a.m. to be exact but here comes the old me, wanting to write after a long pause! Yes, too long until it feels really awkward to be back on track again. Even writing a novel / story makes me feel insecure - to publish it here as I am very unsure of the sentences, plot that I'm creating lol. So, if you're the frequent here before, hi again and yes I do remember of my beloved and supportive Team SII. Missing you peeps, really! xx

So, am not gonna publish my writings in here. YET. Soon, perhaps. *finger crossed*

As the title says, the bad habits, I'm gonna tell you (well not really membuka pekung di dada, but let's be fair, as you have read the fun facts about me longgggg time ago, so why not I'm writing my bad habits in here, as a reflection and who knows I might think of these habits and change myself in the future, or setting my new year goals as we will welcome 2018 in about less than a month. :')

*1*

Since I got posted, I always use work as an excuse for not doing what I did before, anymore. Or shall we say, I seldom do things / hobbies that I've always done before. As if works really stopped me from doing so. For instance, writing in blog and reading books. (Mind you, I bought few books and I've not read all and even I've read it, maybe for a few pages and it stays there for a long pause) But the truth is, sometimes I also procrastinate in doing my works. Doing last minute works has run into my blood vessels since the first day I work. Nawwwww, even the word WORK sounds unfamiliar to me. I've always think that I'm still studying and actually, I miss staying up late at night doing revision, although back then, I hate that so much. Isn't life weird guys? :/ 

*2*

Mereput! I think mereput (read: corpse-ing, being a lazy bum) is my new (old and still) hobby. Working is just an excuse to all things for me, really. Urgh why tho?! I always use work as an excuse for me to mereput all day during the weekend. I mean, I can stay on bed like a sick person (mintak jauhlah!) all day, doing nothing, as a reward for myself after 5 days of working. I realize that, making this kind of reward is really unhealthy and sangatlah bukan menantu material lol. So, this is my conspiracy theory of doing this mereput activity as my reward. Maybe most of my weekends, I stayed alone (My lovely housemate always asked me to follow her, going back but nayyy, later I can't mereput at her house lol and actually I'm just being lazy guys, for God's sake berubahlah Norolpateng hoi!) And I always planning on doing things on weekend, wanted to be productive and change myself, but to no avail. Eventually, I did everything last minute and then I complaint a lot because earlier, I was mereput, for the whole day, tahniah!

*3*

By complaining, I mean, I nag, I bising-bising, I'm doing my works in a rush and I tend to forget to do works. Like when I was so sleepy and about to sleep after fighting in front of my laptop, doing the works (ie: everyday I have to write only 3-4 short lesson plans), suddenly I remember that I haven't key in the online data or marking the papers or key in the marks or writing pending reports that make me recall the events that were happening months ago as I want to write the REPORTS and all that jazz. Seriously, I feel like I wanna cry on that time, realizing that I'm gonna shorten my sleep-time and waking up cranky the next day, because I haven't complete my tasks, also means I have to stay up longer. & that moment, thinking of how lazy I was in the previous days - wasting my time, also wasting my money going back and forth to town, and wasting my internet quota dengan perkara-perkara lagha (istighfar!) make me menyesal. Always like that. 

*4*

Not a morning person. Yes, you can relate it and you know what it means, so I stop until here! :p

*5*

Excuses. I always make excuses when I'm not interested in doing whatever works that I was assigned to, neither the daily basis tasks. I have many regular excuses that I always use like tired and leceh. As for workout, my personal coach always nag me for escaping or skipping my exercise, even doing zumba. And my excuse will always be  "Kaki I sakit" or "Sore! My muscle sore, everywhere sore!" RIP workout, RIP road to Gal Gadot's and Kayla Itsines' body. Not even close to any Victoria's Secret Angels' body guys! Hahahaha cakap je malas. 

This is the conclusion to my bad habits in 2017 guys. 

Planning to be productive - distracted (being lazy bum or addicted to social medias or going out etc) - procrastinate - last minute works - complaining - menyesal - crying / grumpy - reflection - change? (NO! Masih sama, ulang balik the cycle) 

My bad bad bad habits guys. 

As 2018 is just around the corner, one of my new year resolutions is to approve that I can be productive, as the key point to these things is actually, being productive! Not drastically, slowly but surely, in sha Allah. 

We'll see the changes later and I will update to you on how productive I am later, ameen! As for now, I am trying to be a morning person. Well, not too early lah, but still morning, can la aa! Kasi chanla sis nak beradu lama-lama during holidays (see! excuse over excuses) Hahahaha bad bad bad habits!

But really guys, I am working on these! Pray for me #PrayFor Fateen

xx